Fashion Update
Forget the clothes, give me a shot of Fernet

As reported in the last issue, Fernet Branca, the drink that is sweeping social drinkers off their sturdy feet, stole yet another opening in the L. A. area.

The latest assault on trendy and discriminating tastebuds occurred at the newest addition to the funky-chic Melrose scene where new clothing boutique Private had it’s grand opening reception last month. At the corner of Melrose and Fuller, the location could not be more high profile. Immediately noticable was the D.J. spinning right in the window, not necessarily unusual for Melrose, but with bare white walls inside and only a sign outside the building with the word “private,” this looked like another exclusive party, and you were either on the list or you were not getting in.

Inside the store were two racks on either side of each other extending to the back of the space, dripping with what seemed to be very sexy women’s clothing. I didn’t get too close a look at the ready to wear spring collection at Private, but no one else did either! Enter Fernet Branca, again.
Fashion? What fashion? Is it spring already? All I had to see was Branca reps Antoinette Cassini and sidekick barmaster Ryan Christopher to know what this premiere was going be be all about - guests with their own private clouds that they floated around on. I knew Fernet Branca was stealing the thunder of yet another hopeful exchange between the public and a new business. What is going on? I mean this is crazy. Where ever I turn up lately I find this phenomenon, and it’s no joke!
I had zero chance of reaching the bar.
- Anthony McBride reporting.



Shamming on the Job
by Bryan Carrigan


With corporate downsizing on the rise and an increasing population of unemployed workers drawing benefits at a rate that threatens to send many states into deficit spending, people everywhere are looking for ways to avoid getting canned.
And while days spent watching reruns of Ozzie and Harriet on Nickelodeon and eating macaroni and cheese may appeal to some, Working World magazine published a list of "tips" to help the employed stay that way. Think of it as a cheat sheet for that human resources self-evaluation test (they would have you believe) called life.

• Punctuality should be the rule, not the exception.
• Don't use drugs or alcohol while at work. You're putting your company unfairly at risk [by having too much fun].
• Treat the equipment you use correctly and with caution.
• Don't forget that even managers get tired of nagging about small details. Just because they haven't said anything lately doesn't mean they aren't bothered by it.
• Use your lunch hour and breaks to conduct personal business. Call your friends after work.
• Keep in mind that you are being paid to do a job, not to live your life.
• Don't abuse the worker's compensation system. If you injure yourself at home, don't say you hurt yourself on the job. Likewise don't overuse the group medical coverage [that's not what it's there for].
• Don't expect the company to act like a benevolent parent [when really its a vengeful god]. The business world runs on a principle of supply and demand, not charity. It is not the company's duty to make sure you're happy with your life. You must accept personal responsibility, rather than blaming the company for your problems or failures. [After all, it's not the company's fault nobody wants to read your screenplay.]

These tips may keep you and your job from being out-sourced, phased-out, or otherwised fired, but as Cameron Tuttle writes in the Bad Girl's Guide To Getting What You Want, "Being a good girl will get you nowhere in the workplace."
"Job satisfaction," according to Cameron, "is an urban myth - not because it doesn't happen, but because it's not enough. If you're a bad girl, you don't settle for mere satisfaction day after day. You set career goals that are meaningful to you - job jubilation, job nirvana, job titillation."

The key, in Cameron's book, is finding the right job. "Not sure what type of job is fab for you? Just take an honest inventory of your best qualities. Then forget about them. Instead, zoom in on your worst qualities, the ones that got you in trouble in junior high."
•Your Big Prob / Your Fab Job
•gossip constantly / public relations exec.
•sleep until noon / nightclub owner
•criticize others / movie reviewer
•won't get off the phone / publicist
•dress like a tramp / fashion editor
•don't finish projects / freelance anything
•act bitter, crabby, and depressed /middle management.

Of course, once you find your ideal job you have to go through the trouble of landing it. "If you're looking for a blue-collar job," Cameron writes, "you need real skills. But if you're looking for a while-collar job, all you need is a résumé."

"Essentially, a résumé is a creative writing sample, so the only real important part is to flex your imagination. Employers don't really want to know what you've been doing - they just want to know if you're willing to humiliate yourself and how soon can you start. When filling in your résumé gaps, be creative and confident and you'll be résumé-ed in the shade."

•What You Did Last Year / What You Say You Did
•collected unemployment and watched MTV / media expert specializing in the youth market
•worked at Blockbuster / feature film distributor
•Gap sales associate / Gap model
•shopped yourself into debt / retail analyst
•finished writing your lame novel / finished writing your lame.com business plan
•got laid off (with severance package) / raised venture-capital funding for your Internet start-up
•got stoned constantly / extensive pharmaceutical research.
Remember, a job is just one part of life. You work to live, not live to work, and Cameron's Bad Girl's Guide will give you the advice you need in the workplace and everywhere else life takes you. Unless you're a guy, in which case, you're on your own.
Note to Self: if you don't get the job, there must have been a clerical error. (From The Bad Girl's Guide To Getting What You Want by Cameron Tuttle. Illustrations by Susannah Bettag. Chronicle Books, San Francisco. 2000)

Car: The 2002 Mazda Protégé 5

by Gil Benzeevi
The Mazda Protégé 5 is a sporty hatchback that is a nice combination of power and versatility for under $20,000.

With its 130 horsepower and 135 lb-ft of torque, this car can get you to 60 mph and up a hill with ease and gusto. You can choose between the 5-speed manual with overdrive or the optional 4-speed automatic transmission with overdrive depending on which gives you more pleasure. If you feel like taking along some friends, you should have no problem seating up to four additional average adults.

Handling is nimble and firm, allowing you to take sharp corners without spinning while keeping all four wheels on the ground. To help you stay in control, the Protégé comes with rack-and-pinion steering with engine-speed-sensing variable assist, fully independent strut-type suspension with front and rear stabilizer bars and a front strut-tower brace.

There are plenty of standard features such as power windows, power door locks, white gauges with red nighttime illumination, remote keyless entry system, 3-spoke leather-wrapped steering-wheel with tilt column, steering-wheel mounted cruise control, keyless illuminated entry system, air conditioning, cup holders, fog lights, luggage rack with an adjustable rear crossbar, carbon-fiber-look trim on center dash and a radio/CD combo stereo with four speakers and a digital clock.

Basically this car comes fully loaded so unless you want to indulge and get the few accessories available such as an alarm system, car cover, cargo net and in-dash-6-CD changer, you are ready to let it rip without having to spend lots of money.

Important safety items include dual second-generation front air bags, 3-point safety belts for all five seating positions and child-safety rear door locks.

Going on a trip is simple since the Protégé allows you to create a lot of cargo space by folding the rear seats completely flat. You can even take out the seat cushions.
EPA estimated fuel economy is very good with 25 city/31 hwy for the manual transmission and 25 city/30 highway for the automatic transmission. The gas tank takes up to 14.5 gallons so you can tear up a lot of highway before refueling.
A 36-month or 50,000-mile warranty comes with every Protégé and you are eligible for a loaner car if you have to bring your vehicle in for repairs.
So if you are looking for a car that delivers a zesty ride in a comfortable environment without burning a hole in your wallet, the Mazda Protégé 5 will put a smile on your face.
Galpin Mazda one block east of the 405 freeway, on Roscoe Blvd. www.galpinmazda.com. Call Brian Allan, tell him I sent you. 818-756-3471.