A New Leif: on Life, F8 (fate), and the pursuit of Happiness
interview by Anna McWillie

I saw the VH1 special on TV, the interview with Leif Garrett - the surprise reunion with paralyzed friend, Roland Winkler. I was so touched, as we all were, by Leif's immense genuineness, compassion, and honesty. I really felt for him and the trauma that he, and his friend, of course, went through - partying hardy and crashing hard in a new Porsche, a trapping of stardom inflicted on a teenager, almost like being born with a disease you have to learn to live with.

Only 17 years old when it happened, Leif slept for a week, then valiantly carried on with his life, his obligations to his fans, agents, mom, with the help of a lot of heroin - and rehab.. Leif Garrett was a huge teen pop star in the '70s, gracing the cover of Teen Beat and every other pop 'zine, the quintessential heartthrob of his generation. He started his long acting career at age 5 due to excellent promoting by his mom but mostly because of his perfect looks, cooperative personality and undeniable charisma. Leif loves an audience.

He had the smash disco hit, "I Was Made for Dancing," gold and platinum records, his own TV special, and has been in lots movies and shows. Walking before learning how to crawl, you could now say that Leif is crawling his way back to the top! With his new band, F8, he is, for the first time, writing the songs he likes, playing the music he likes, stage acting, which he likes, and still maintains a soft spot in his fans' hearts and fascination in the public's mind. www.f8officialsite.com

A You've had some real ups and downs, highs and lows in your life that have nothing to do with drugs... it seemed so easy for you as a teen growing into your icon status, was it easy or did it just happen? You became so famous when you were so young, and then there was horrible tragedy when you were still so young. How did you get so big so fast? Was your mom pushing you with agents or was it just luck?

L Most of it had to do with luck and just the fact the way I looked cause it was a marketing tool more than anything. I was a pin-up.

A lot of the same way in the 40s they had the pin-ups for the war, like Betty Grable. But for the young girls and the teen magazines, the most androgynous looking boys sell more copies.

A How did you get discovered? L I was doing a TV series. I've been an actor since I was 5 years old.

A How did you- get into acting?

L My mom wanted to be an actress and she came down from Northern California and went and met with an agent who signed her and she said by the way I've got 2 kids would you like to meet them and he said yeah, sure whatever, and he met us and signed us as well.

A Were you really motivated, you must have been, you must have wanted to do that.

L At 5 years old you're not really motivated as much as it is, it's better than going to school. (Laughs)

A But you cooperated. You did what you were told to do.

L Yeah I did what I was told to do, I had no problem with that, I knew that it wasn't like someone was reprimanding me or somebody who I didn't know who shouldn't be telling me what to do, but that's the business, that was the nature of the business. My mom was always very clear about things telling it like it is and what it was. We could quit anytime we wanted, if we didn't want to do it. A You and your sister. L Yes. A So now it seems like you're on the normal regular hard road to getting your music heard, selling records. How are you dealing with the difference of selling so many records now like you did then. Now it's more like you are struggling like other bands do cause then it was kinda easy for you.

L I think the main thing is that it was...I never had to pay my dues in the music industry. It sorta happened the other way around. Instead of paying your dues and working gradually up to something it was like started up here and then tapered off. And now it's the road back up again. And I have no problem paying my dues and I have no problem going out and working the club circuit.

A When you were 17 and your bubble sorta came to a halt...

L Well, I wasn't 17, but...

A How old were you when that horrible accident happened?

L Oh yeah, well, I was almost 18, it was 3 days before my 18th birthday. That's not when everything quit. Things were still going on after that, but...

A It must have affected you...

L Oh, totally.

A You must have said, well now, this is reality, everything before that wasn't reality, or now, this is not reality, that was reality. How did you deal with that in your mind?

L First of all it besides sleeping for almost an entire week straight right after the accident, it was basically just get back to work and do what I did before that. And then after the whole press and for 6 years being dragged through the press and the courts and the jury trial and all that stuff, I wanted to quit, I said when the Scotti Bros.' contract was up I was going to quit anyway and that was before the accident.

A You wanted to quit before the accident?

L I wanted to quit doing the music I was doing. I didn't want to quit making music...

A Were you involved with the Scotti Bros. at that time?

L Yeah.

A I did read that you sorta blamed the label for shaping your music too much and not really the way you wanted to. What did you have to do with "The Best of Compilation" record they released for you in 1998?

L Absolutely nothing.

A Nothing, they just came out with it.

L They just called me up and said, hey, your stuff is being released on CD - Best of..., and this was after it was bought out by Pearson, the English company who bought out Scotti Bros. and All American Television that owned The Price Is Right. Pearson Group now owns Price Is Right, Scotti Bros. Records, and Rock 'N' Roll Records, which the Scotti Bros. started as well with Weird Al Yankovich. I started Scotti Bros. label for them and Weird Al started Rock 'N' Roll Records for them, meaning that our songs are the ones that sold for them to start those labels.

A The Scotti Bros.? Do you regret the contracts you made for them?

L Oh absolutely, absolutely.

A To this day?

L Sure. I regret it as much as...

A You were ignorant?

L I went through... well yeah, of course, because at that age I didn't know anything and I wish my mom knew a little more and I wish we had better representation, but whatever that's the way it works out and that's ok, it was an expensive lesson, probably a 5 million dollar lesson, but that's the way it goes. I'm not going to be bitter about it, because there's n-othing I can do about it, I know where they're at right now and I know where I'm at doing what I want to do and I know they are hiding from the law.

A What are the joys and perils of fame as you see it? You've been on both sides...you've been really really high and then you've been out of the whole loop.

L For sure. I guess the best thing about fame is all the perks. It's weird to me when someone is famous and they can afford stuff they always want to give it to you for free. And when you are down and out they don't want to know about you. That's probably the worst part. As far as fame goes, fame just means you are selling records, or you are selling movies or whatever. A Did you work hard when you were young, when you were a teenager?

L Yeah. I probably spent out of the 5 years I was with the Scotti Bros., the 5 year contract I had with them, which is about the right amount of time that teen idolism lasts for anybody, as you can tell from me and Shaun and David and Menudo and you name it, that's why these guys are on their way out now... A What was that thing you told me you did for Spin magazine, you rated the new teen idols, which issue of Spin?

L It came out in the summertime of last year.

A So who do you think is a hot teen idol?

L Well, I think Christina Aguilara is probably the best singer and she's probably got the most talent, her and Mandy Moore, I think are probably the most talented two as far as singers go. But for some reason they put on the cover of the magazine,"Leif Garrett rates new teen stars, says Christina sucks." I didn't say Christina sucks. I just said, listen the next time she wants to out scat Aretha Franklin on a diva's concert, she should think twice about it because, you know, that's Aretha Franklin. ok, you're not that good.

A Cool. Having experienced this overwhelming tragedy when you were 17, what a burden to bear, and then again another tragedy when your girlfriend died a few years ago, do you think that numbing oneself is therapeutic...healing painful wounds, do drugs and alcohol have their place?

L I've always thought that. I think drugs and alcohol have their place. I always thought that even at a younger age when I was 14 or 15 from witnessing it from...listen all the greatest most influential music that's ever been made, and I'm not advocating the use of drugs by any means, cause if you can achieve it in another way great, let me know about it. But it was something I felt I needed to go through and wanted to do. All my idols were like that, Bowie, The Stones, Led Zeppelin...

A Something you wanted to do meaning you wanted to experiment with drugs.

L I wanted to experiment, I wanted to open other doors that I wouldn't be able to open without having gone through that or experiencing it or having to quit it.

A That was the culture you grew up in.

L Absolutely. Absolutely.

A Do you think moderation is possible or do you believe no I can't have a drop?

L I think it's different for everybody. I think it is possible with some people cause I know functioning people out there who use it daily, but I have an extremely addictive personality and when I was using I would use it to the extreme, that's just the way I am, I'm an extremist.

A How much did you love skateboarding? How long were you boarding? And do you love lots of dangerous thrilling sports?

L I'm into rushes.

A You're into rushes? You seem very interested spiritually in journeys, fate, the truth. Tell me about the worst lies about you. Describe the real you.

L By the way, thank you for saying that, that means a lot to me, because one of the things in my life I'm extremely hell bent on is communication and speaking the truth. I don't want to be an a****** but I have no problem telling anybody the truth about anything, even if the only way to get across is to be ultra diplomatic. But I seek the truth, and yes, I think I'm a very spiritual person.

A Where did you learn to be honest?

L That came from more than anything...the Scotti Bros. had me lie for them all the time. It was half truths, exaggerated truths, things like that, to promote and to further along the cause if you will. But I just never liked doing that, cause I want people to treat me the way I treat them. I want the honesty. And I realized, too, it got me into more trouble than helped me. Because one thing having to remember lies, it's too much work, I'm a lazy bastard by nature. I'd much rather have the easy way, and I have no problem, like I said, I want people to tell me...the honesty, because if you can deal with the truth, then you can deal with it head on right away, instead of trying to decipher through all the bulls***, and then get to what you're trying to get to or the core of it...that's what you're trying to get to anyway, so why do I want to hear the fluff, give me the truth, listen it may hurt a little more at first, but I'd rather have the immediate sharp cutting pain, and then it dissipates, as opposed to, oh my God, it's building, it's getting worse and worse and worse and becoming more painful.

A So what are the worst lies about you that are out there, that really hurt you the most?

L Well I heard I was dying of AIDS for awhile and that was when I was in the middle of my heroin use and I looked like hell, so I can understand how people might have thought that, but I don't have AIDS, I'm not dying of AIDS, I think that's probably the worst one. Before that when I was younger, I always thought the worst rumor was that people thought I was gay, but at this point in my life, listen when they are talking about you... great and when they stop talking about you...I know the truth, the people that I care about and the people that care about me... honestly know the truth.

A How did you see yourself when you were playing yourself in the "Wish List" episode on Suddenly Susan?

L That's funny you said that...I went on the set...I read the script and they didn't send me the script, and I think they did this on purpose, but they didn't send me the script until the night before, they said they were doing rewrites, I was like, come on you guys, you've got to give it to me so I could have my input if I didn't want...cause I knew I would be playing myself and that kinda scared me a little bit because I didn't know how they would be portraying me.

A What do you mean playing yourself, playing what the public thought you were?

L That's it, that wasn't me, I'm playing a caricature of myself playing myself. I'm really just playing the name Leif Garrett not Leif Garrett as a person.

A So how did you handle that, what went through your mind?

L Well this is what happened. I went on to the set and I said you guys I'm not comfortable with this, I don't know if I can do it, I'm not really....after the first read through...I felt like I was being gaffed on, I was being made fun of...the same thing with my sense of humor that I've had always is that I was the first to make fun of myself and have fun at my own expense anyway. So I went home that night and I thought to myself you know what have fun with it and don't worry about it because what I'm playing there is a caricature even though it's my name that they are using. If people want to think that's really me and that I'm a stalker or whatever it w-as on the wish list or I became one after Susan, fine, or I'm doing bad dinner theatre, so ok fine whatever.

A What exactly were you playing, I didn't see the episode?

L Well you have to see it to understand it, one of the things on her wish list in college was she wanted to kiss Leif Garrett. That, become an attorney and all those other things. She thinks one thing she can do before her birthday is meet Leif Garrett and find out where he's at and go meet him and kiss him, so she can achieve one of the things on her wish list. So she looks me up in the phone book and Cathy says he won't be listed in the phone book. And she goes oh here it is. And dials and here's my message saying, "Hi this is Leif I'm not here right now but I'll be playing a dinner theatre in Nevada"...so I was having fun at my own expense. That's fine I had no problem with that.

A They do that on TV all the time, like The Simpsons.

L Exactly. Aerosmith went on The Simpsons and they had fun.

A So you were just sorta playing this vapid part.

L It was a complete outrageous exaggeration of something that I'm not. (Laughs)

A So you weren't playing yourself at all.

L Not at all trust me. Except for the part that I have humor.

A How do you feel about becoming a camp figure in the near future when your old songs and movies are revived and elevated to cult status?

L That just all helps.

A Helps what?

L Helps our cause, helps us get out there.

A Your band? L Yeah, the band.

A Would it be unexpected? L If what?

A If suddenly people are like going, "Wow these Leif Garrett records are so hot," and they started selling and all the B movies that you were in and D movies quote unquote.

L D movie. D movie, one. Ok two. F*** you.

A I really want to know this 'cause I'm an artist, too, and I go through a lot of that stuff too. It's like, when you do something you do your best. And later if it bombs and nobody likes it you don't say, it, oh well, it was a piece of s*** and I never should have done it anyway, I knew it was bad but I did it.

L I hear what you are saying.

A You always believe in something you do one way or another, so would it surprise you or would deep down, would you feel like, you know what, I knew that stuff was good.

L No, I still hate it. I don't like it now, I don't like it to this day, I never did. I still don't. There's some stuff I think is better than others, but for the whole part I only made one record I was proud of and that was the fourth record that I made with the bass player of KC and the Sunshine Band, who produced it, and it was called Can't Explain, and it was basically a bunch of cover songs of good material, stuff I liked, like The Who, Dave Clark Five, whatever. I never liked The Beach Boys 'd4cause it had more to do with marketing and an imaging tool, it had nothing to do with...

A Do you like The Beach Boys now?

L Some of their stuff is good. I respect The Beach Boys, I think Pet Sounds is one of the better records ever made by them or if not the best. But that's just not my style of music, I've always liked the darker...not that I'm totally dark, I'm not Ritchie Blackmore, but I was into Zeppelin and The Stones, not The Beach Boys.

A Ok, so you are an artist who has really built a foundation for himself through experience and making bad art until now, you're making good art.

L Yeah, that's exactly it. I think you have to go through that. Listen the only way to be knowledgeable about things is experience them. You can read all you want out of books, I've learned more from traveling and from experience than I have from anything else in this world.

A Well sometimes it works the other way around, like take Brian Wilson for instance, who was such a genius and look what happened to him.

L I agree, maybe that was going to happen to me.

A It's really abnormal. That's not the way it's suppose to be. You are suppose to crawl before you walk.

L Yeah. I was walking before I could crawl. I had to learn how to crawl, later. And I have no problem now doing what we are doing. This is the process. I'm the first to admit it, that my name has certainly lent itself to getting us to the front doors of these places that we play, quicker than it is through hey, we're a really cool hot band, here is our CD, listen to it and tell us what you think. But I'm not going out there doing the old stuff. I refuse to do that.

A So you are writing songs now with this band...

L We all write together.

A You're all writing songs?

L I write all the lyrics and vocal melodies.

A So how is this band different for you? Are you saying your songs are better now than they ever were.

L Absolutely. By far. I never wrote any of the stuff in the past. That's why I have no problem with it...

A Did you write songs in the past?

L I wrote one song out of 6 records.

A So when did you start writing songs?

L Well I wrote one song back then, but I wasn't really writing songs then...

A A year ago did you start writing songs? When did you start writing songs for this band?

L Immediately, as soon as I finished with the Scotti Bros. contract, I just immediately started writing with my friends, I bought the recording equipment...and I'd sit in the living room with my friends, Val McCallum at the time, who was Charles Bronson's stepson, he and I wrote a lot of material together and we sold stuff to movies...

A And where do you want this band to go?

L I want this band to go as far as it can possibly go, and as far as I can tell, it seems unlimited to me.

A Do you want to tour a lot.

L I don't know that I want to tour a lot, but I want to tour for sure. I like being on the road. I grew up on the road. I'm one of those people that's like put me in a hotel room, I'm more comfortable than I am at my own home.

A And there's nothing like a live audience.

L Oh my God there's nothing because that...I just finished doing a couple of stage plays, which are great, which I've never done stage before and the last one was a musical, but being on stage you get the immediate...it's not like a movie where you can spend a year, or 6 months, 3 months, making it, and then you see what the reaction is after it is released. When you're on stage and you do something, you hit a bad note or you're doing something they don't like, they let you know, they'll go to the bar and get a drink or go to the bathroom...

A There's also an adrenaline rush...

L Oh my God it's beyond that it's amazing. It's the closest thing to having an orgasm as far as I can tell. And I love it. It definitely is a major high. After gigs I know I just can't go home and go to sleep. The other night I went skateboarding and trying to do handstands.

A Do you do tricks on your skateboard like ollies?

L No, I'm old school. New school is when they do all that stuff on the railing.

A Do you snowboard?

L No, I snow ski. I'm Norwegian, baby. We started all this up. No really, I'm looking forward to going snowboarding this February with my cousin, he lives in Tahoe. I go there every winter to ski there. - With the Good Year blimp cruising over the L.A. skyscape on the rooftop of the Downtown Rehearsal Studios, we all agreed that it was going to be a good year indeed.

Rehab's for everybody!

Maybe you just want to sweat it out and lose a few pounds at a day or weekend spa and that's as far as it goes. I remember once going to a club mud somewhere in Hemet with a Romanian friend who insisted on bringing a bottle of Vodka to sip on in the steam room. I almost passed out so I don't recommend it.

"We're all addicted to something," says Marion Chapnick, who is compiling a book on addiction, defined in the Gale Encyclopedia of Medicine as a dependence on a behavior or substance that a person is powerless to control.

'"There are people, like me, who have to go to the gym everyday. It's a mild kind of addiction, but looking good or what you think is good can go too far, as in the case of excessive plastic surgery like the woman in New York who has had numerous surgeries to look like her cat, or the English woman whose main obsession is to look like Barbie. Addictions can run the gambit from being a shopaholic to the more serious problems where professional help is needed to combat serious withdrawl symptoms."

It's hard to say where you draw the line, but usually addictions are broken down into two main headings: substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, caffeine, nicotine) and process abuse (shopping, over eating, gambling and sexual excess). And evidence points out that many addicts are poly addicted, requiring more than one process or substance.

Micro-Fiction

"Finding Chris"
by D. Pearson Jones

It was warm that day. In the spring, I think it was. The sky was blue, birds were singing. Yes, it was a beautiful day that day. The day I found Chris's body. I wasn't the one who found him, really. It was his girl friend. He was living in Seattle at the time, and I was still in Texas, in college. It wasn't me that found him, but I sometimes imagine it was. I imagine going to his apartment, after not having heard from him in a couple of days. Using the hidden key to unlock the door, finding the door barricaded with furniture, fear of what I'll find overtaking me. Calling out, "Chris...Chris," a couple of times. Finally pushing in and finding his long gangly body, slack, hanging from the rope. I can't help the words coming out of my mouth. "God damn it Chris."

I imagine going to the kitchen for a knife to cut him down, thinking I'm going to get in trouble for doing this, but also that I don't care. That I can't just leave him there. Returning, I right the chair he used, the pad he launched himself past us from. My hip grazes the body, and it swings around as if acknowledging my presence. "God damnit." I can't help saying again. The knife is dull and it takes some time to cut the rope. I saw away at it patiently, with my friend dangling beside me. Finally it snaps, taking me by surprise, and as I try to grab the body I lose my balance, and fall. I knock against the pile of furniture and a dining room chair falls on me. Chris is in a heap. I drag him to an ez-boy and set him up in it. I look at him, shaking my head, but not saying it this time. I think, man, I could do with a beer, and go to the kitchen. The fridge is humming along, keeping things cold, as if nothing had changed. This makes me cry. I sit on the sofa and think of the phone calls I should be making, but instead sip my beer. I finish my beer, Chris hasn't touched his. I return to the kitchen and get another beer.

Seeing a bottle of Tequila, I take a hit, then return to the sofa. Finally getting up the strength I call Rick. He doesn't believe me at first. Then he says, "God damn it Chris." "I've already thought of that," I say. "What?" he says. "Nevermind," I say. I hang up the phone. Overtaken with the rush and swirl of time standing still it occurs to me that I am not really there. That I only imagine I'm there, finding Chris.